What’s normal anyway?

The more I read about neurodiversity, the more I wonder where the bar of normal is. Is there a brain, a neurotypical brain in a laboratory somewhere where ALL activities within our brain are compared against? How was the concept of normal structured and who, with what brain, decided upon the activities within a brain that would warrant a label if it were different from said ‘normal’ brain.

I know, a lot of questions for a Friday. Fridays are ease down days, getting ready for the weekend days. But who the flip developed the concept of weekends and working days anyway! As is apparent, I’m questioning everything.

As Seal said ‘we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy’. The 90’s, my dream days. The days of my prime developmental growth. The days when I felt ok to want to be something ‘out there’. I used to visualise hitch-hiking across America, that was my dream. To live so freely that I didn’t own anything. And that felt ok. It felt do-able. Now, it doesn’t. I’m going a bit off topic here but the point is, I feel the concept of normal has become really narrow, hardly anyone fits it but it’s STILL used to measure our behaviour. Technology has much to with our modern concepts of reality, for sure. It’s opened up so much but narrowed the human existence also. The need for a phone and computer and tablet and WiFi and apps and SO MUCH SECURITY. I never remember my passwords and have to constantly reset them. I never understand why I can’t just talk to people and computer always says NO. So, back to this normal, neurotypical brain, are we consistently living within a constricted reality? If it wasn’t computers it was industry or some other way society was finding ways to ‘progress’. And is idealisation of normal purely compliance to rules within each and many eras of evolution? This then leads to capitalism but that’s another post.

And the irony is, it would have been the neurotypical brain that catapulted us outta one era, into another. It was the neurotypical brain that invented the machine, the computer. Medical advances – neurotypical thinking! And still today, ‘advances’ we’re seeing daily will be springboarding from neurotypicals. The artists, the poets, the novelist, the dancer… need I say more.

So, ‘we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy’ is genius, the truest words. Thanks Seal! Crazy is what’s keeping the human existence beating. Crazy is the electricity that keeps humanity creating. Crazy IS our survival.

So, what’s normal anyway?

Thinking about… Letting go.

I think letting go of something you created is the importance of creating it in the first place. 

That you’re not creating something to keep hold of it, you’re creating something because if you don’t, you’ll go a little loopy. Just me?? Ok then.

There’s this sense that when you put your ‘heart and soul’ into something, you have to have something to show for it. Like nothing is worth doing unless you get something back. That you’re only as worthy as what you can essentially get back for what you share with others.

And us humans have skills! We’re innovative, we’re artist, we like numbers and structure and symmetry and enjoy working within those fields of thought. We want to be seen, like stars in the sky. We want to feel like we’re moving things, like water moves driftwood. We’re attracted to colour and want to show off, like a peacock struts his intricately designed tail. We’re all things natural and Earthly, but there can be a thought pattern that makes you feel you’re not worthy on this planet unless you’re being paid to be part of it. This makes total sense in my head 🙂

My mental and physical sickness comes in waves, and when I feel totally off and my body aches and I can’t think about anything other than how much I’m hating on myself for not being ‘that’ woman who keeps her house and mind and nails tidy and smooth… when I’m on that rock, I have to create. This could be writing, drawing, cooking, singing (alone) or talking to myself like I’m in a film… I truly think my sanity depends on my ‘madness’.

And then once something is created, I have to let it go. Otherwise it all becomes like a smelly pond, and I add more and more until it spills out, wets my feet and I become a damp mess!

And that’s why blogging is so great!

I mean, I’m new to this game and know nothing about how to blog, I picked the simplest layout I could find and tadah! (there’s no way I’ll use this platform to its maximum potential as I just want to write stuff, press publish and be on my way).

It’s the Publish option I love, like I’m writing my own mini novel, every entry. That once I’ve written something, there’s a button that pretty much says ‘and now I’m complete, thank you and goodbye.’ 

I don’t have to keep it sitting in a folder on my laptop (which I have plenty of, full of unread poems and short stories, I feel I’m hoarding words!)

I’ve been thinking about the whole copyright thing, that if I am thinking something, I can guarantee that someone, somewhere is thinking the same thing. I am not original enough or special to think that I am the only one who has thought a certain idea or created something so specific that it only does and can belong to me. To think that ideas belong to you is like thinking that when you breathe, the outbreath is your piece of air, that any residue inhaled by another is stealing.

I mean, I don’t think we own anything but I don’t want to get too deep 600 words in. I will say that I believe the concept of owning something or someone is one of the biggest illusions us humans hold so tightly onto and creates a whole world of pain.

Death seems to creep into all avenues of our life, and this, what I’m writing right now, is a fleeting thought. I’ll soon press the Publish button and tomorrow, I’ll have something new bubbling up… and now I’m thinking too much about this entry and should I press publish, or delete?!

And now I’m complete, thank you and goodbye.