I’ve been in denial my whole life.
I’m a forgetful being. I’ve found other people who are forgetful REALLY annoying because… darn it… I’ve seen myself in them but DENIAL!
I literally can think something in the morning and it’s bloody brilliant. Like the BEST idea I’ve ever had.
‘This is so fudging good, I’ll get cracking on this later’…
‘What was I doing this morning? Is that the time? Now what? What was I doing yesterday at at this time?’
And so continues my life.
Am I alone in this? No, appears not. And it took an ADHD ‘diagnosis’ to delve into what this meant and literally ALL the struggles common with ADHDers.
And I thought I was different! Yet I didn’t wanna be different, at the same time I was also ‘no one else thinks like me, I’m the ONLY one who understands’. And in that victim mode I could get really annoyed at people for living in their chaos because, ya know, I was different. I was controlled. I didn’t forget anything, I just had a unique way of not remembering things.
And I am unique. Just not so flipping up my own arse to think my chaos isn’t spilling out, because it is and was. And I care less now, kinda. But it took some therapist to say ‘yes, you’re combined ADHD’ for the permission to be more me.
And that’s sad, and shows a lot about the society we live in and how I’ve adapted my tribal brain to want to ‘fit’ by being less me and more ‘them’ (whoever the hell them is!).
I’m forgetful. Totally and utterly forgetful. And I gotta write stuff down in order to get shit done. I’m learning more about my chaotic self. Just the way God made me. Thank you God!